Well, it seems that I have been asked to blog about a rather difficult subject. Ex-girlfriend(s). Some of you already know my story and I have never blogged about it. But, here, I shall now blog about it.
Well, it started in form 6. I had never had a real girlfriend before. I met this girl when I became a prefect. She too was a prefect and we spent a lot of time together planning activities and doing our duties together. I started having feelings for her then and made the first move. At first she told me that she wanted to think about it. So, I gave her time. 3 months if memory serves me right.
She finally accepted and I was overjoyed. However, it didn't last as long as I hoped it. 3 months roughly.
What she did was simple yet huge in a way. She lied. Some of you would say that lying happens all the time and it's too small a matter. Well, not in this case. I told her that I don't like to be lied to. If it's a small lie then I wouldn't mind. However, if it is a lie that crosses the line, then it's not something that cures that easily.
What did she lie about? Her love to me. It was during the STPM examinations. She used the words "I love you" on me. Gave me encouragements and everything. After STPM was over, she was the one who initiated the break up saying that she had wanted to break up even before the exams but she didn't dare to because she was afraid that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the exam.
Isn't that a noble act? You may ask that. Yes, in some perspectives, it's a good thing that she did that. But she also knew that I prefer straight-forwardness and I would have been able to take it. Plus, she was already giving me signs. It was worse worrying what might happen that to have broken up straight.
So, there, she was my first girlfriend ever and it ended at that. I have not contacted her since. Some ask me to forgive and forget. I may forgive but I can never forget. Bitterness? Revengefull? Haven't forgiven her completely? Say what you want. I know my own principles and I have my way of thinking. Hate me for it. Admire me for it. That's up to you. Either way you have to live with it.
I shall continue a bit more that is off the topic.
I am constantly asked questions like "Found a girl yet?" "When are you gonna get a girlfriend?" etc.
The answer is God knows. Currently I am taking things slow with being in relationships. It's not because of the girls around me but it's because of me, myself. I feel that I'm currently not ready for a relationship. I just want to get my head straight, concentrate on studies and everything else.
Another thing is that many misunderstand my intentions. Sometimes, when I am close to a girl and treats her nice, they get the impression that I'm interested. The fact is that I only treat them as sisters. Some of you may not believe. In fact many of you may not and say that it's only a way for me to cover up. Well, again, it's up to you what you want to believe. As long as I know what I feel then I don't give a flying crap.
Hence the reason why I'm still single. Interested yes, but not in a hurry. I want to find the right one and be sure before I make a move. Life has not been easy, and it will never be.
It's true, sometimes I feel lonely. Even though I have a ton of friends around me and enjoy hanging out with them, I still feel as if something is missing in my life. It's just not complete. Emo as it may sound, you can ask single people. They may not admit it due to ego but without a doubt they feel like I do certain times.
Anyway, life is meant to be lived and that's what I'm doing now. Love is meant to be found and I'm finding. No matter what, life goes on. With the ups and downs accompanying.
p.s. Sorry if the feel was a bit angry in this post. As I said, it's a pretty hard topic. ^.^
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