It's good to have an epiphany after not blogging for so long, and for that, I owe it all to my lecturer.
She started class by asking us these questions; "Who are you? What is your identity? Do you know who you really are?"
That made me think. A lot. They indeed are valid questions that all of us should ask ourselves each day.
As for me, to some I'm the gentle bear. To some others I'm the crazy guy whose always cracking jokes, or the serious one, or the lazy one, or the kind one, or the player. So many people see me in different ways.
So, who does that make me? Am I the kind one? Am I the crazy one? Or am I just a nobody that people forget after losing contact with me for a while. I'd like to think that I'm not all that forgettable. I'm outspoken, this much I know. But I also know that I like to have my quiet time even though there are people around, I just feel like keeping quiet and not do or say anything. This often makes people think that something is bothering me and many wouldn't believe it when I tell them that I just feel like being quiet. I strongly feel that this is due to the reason that I'm noisy a lot of the time. The loud one in the group.
This made me recall one incident that happened to me while I was riding the komuter back to Bangi.
As usual I stood by the door for this makes it easier for when I want to disembark. I was looking out of the window of the door. Beside me stood a lady and her children. One of her daughters was standing in front of me. As I was listening to the songs playing on my MP3, I suddenly felt something drip onto my shoe. At first I thought it was just water or something that the child was eating. When I looked at her, I realized that she just threw up with her hand covering her mouth and some of the vomit dripped onto my shoe. She then bent down and continued hurling for a couple more times. All this happened right where I was standing.
What made me think about this incident is because of what I did next.
Nothing...
Wanting to act cool all the way. I ignored what happened and turned back to looking out of the window. I didn't really care about my shoe as I was intending to throw it out anyway. As the mother fussed about her daughter, I realized that I wasn't the only one doing nothing. Everyone else who saw what happened carried on what they were doing. Watching.
At the next stop, they got off. Good for the child. The mother apologized to me as she was getting off and I smiled back saying that it's ok.
When I got back home (after washing up at the toilet where I got off), I sat on my bed and thought; "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Instead of acting cool all the way, I should have helped the child. Maybe asked one of the passengers to stand so that she could sit and consoled her that it's all right. Instead, I ignored everything that was going on all for the sake of trying to look cool.
I regretted my actions for that day. I could have done something different and made a difference. Yet, I didn't. I told myself that I would not be like that again should another situation like this arise in the future.
So, for that, I came to a conclusion for the questions my lecturer asked and the answer is...I do not know. All I know is that I'm complicated. The way I think is different at different times. The way I act varies as well. The way I am depends on who I'm with.
So what if I can't define myself? It's not who I am to me that matters but who I am to others around me. All I know is that I am who I am...
She started class by asking us these questions; "Who are you? What is your identity? Do you know who you really are?"
That made me think. A lot. They indeed are valid questions that all of us should ask ourselves each day.
As for me, to some I'm the gentle bear. To some others I'm the crazy guy whose always cracking jokes, or the serious one, or the lazy one, or the kind one, or the player. So many people see me in different ways.
So, who does that make me? Am I the kind one? Am I the crazy one? Or am I just a nobody that people forget after losing contact with me for a while. I'd like to think that I'm not all that forgettable. I'm outspoken, this much I know. But I also know that I like to have my quiet time even though there are people around, I just feel like keeping quiet and not do or say anything. This often makes people think that something is bothering me and many wouldn't believe it when I tell them that I just feel like being quiet. I strongly feel that this is due to the reason that I'm noisy a lot of the time. The loud one in the group.
This made me recall one incident that happened to me while I was riding the komuter back to Bangi.
As usual I stood by the door for this makes it easier for when I want to disembark. I was looking out of the window of the door. Beside me stood a lady and her children. One of her daughters was standing in front of me. As I was listening to the songs playing on my MP3, I suddenly felt something drip onto my shoe. At first I thought it was just water or something that the child was eating. When I looked at her, I realized that she just threw up with her hand covering her mouth and some of the vomit dripped onto my shoe. She then bent down and continued hurling for a couple more times. All this happened right where I was standing.
What made me think about this incident is because of what I did next.
Nothing...
Wanting to act cool all the way. I ignored what happened and turned back to looking out of the window. I didn't really care about my shoe as I was intending to throw it out anyway. As the mother fussed about her daughter, I realized that I wasn't the only one doing nothing. Everyone else who saw what happened carried on what they were doing. Watching.
At the next stop, they got off. Good for the child. The mother apologized to me as she was getting off and I smiled back saying that it's ok.
When I got back home (after washing up at the toilet where I got off), I sat on my bed and thought; "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Instead of acting cool all the way, I should have helped the child. Maybe asked one of the passengers to stand so that she could sit and consoled her that it's all right. Instead, I ignored everything that was going on all for the sake of trying to look cool.
I regretted my actions for that day. I could have done something different and made a difference. Yet, I didn't. I told myself that I would not be like that again should another situation like this arise in the future.
So, for that, I came to a conclusion for the questions my lecturer asked and the answer is...I do not know. All I know is that I'm complicated. The way I think is different at different times. The way I act varies as well. The way I am depends on who I'm with.
So what if I can't define myself? It's not who I am to me that matters but who I am to others around me. All I know is that I am who I am...
